What Happens When I End Up In The Twilight World
by Tam The Bunny Who Loves Books
Summary: This is what happens when I end up in Twilight, and invite my army of Twilight-haters over as well. Lots of death, and a random kiss ended up in here somehow. xD Read, but be warned, this is quite insane. :3 ONESHOT. IT'S WORTH READING, SO GO READ IT. xP


**A/N**: Yay, first fic here. xD

Anyway, it's amazing because not only is it first, it's about some friends, random people and of course, The Amazing Me, finding ourselves in the Twilight world, which we all hate, then go ahead and have a big bonfire... And, well, to find out the rest, just read the fic. xD

By the way, **I OWN NOTHING**. Seriously. I don't own Twilight, and actually, I am unbelievably happy about that.

But I do own myself, who appears as the main character in this. xD

'~*~'

Kicking the wall did nothing to ease my case of "OMGI'MHAVINGABADDAYGETOUTOFMYWAY". Actually, it made it worse, if possible.

Crossing my arms and silently fuming, I realized how this would be the perfect moment for a very climatic something to happen if my life was a book. Or an anti-climatic something. Depends on who's writing it.

And, of course, I was right.

One moment I was in my room, the next I was standing right in front of a random house in the middle of a forest, it seemed.

"Holy shit!" I gasped, looking around. "This must be the part where something life-changing happens!"

Then, out of no where, a car suddenly drove in, almost squishing me.

From my curled-up position on the ground, I watched as - no freaking way - Edward Cullen got out of the car. Then the rest of the Cullens also exited.

Smiling wolfishly, I stood up and crossed my arms.

_Well_, I thought, _if this isn't life-changing, I don't know what is._

"Hello, Cullens," I said, still grinning insanely like a predator does to it's prey before it kills it. "I'm Tam."

They all stared at me blankly.

Which to them, was a stare with deep emotion.

Sheesh.

These guys wouldn't know what personality was if it came up and smiled at them.

They probably wouldn't know death if it smiled at them, either. Which was a description of me, actually.

Edward squinted at me. "Um... We have personality. And what do mean, we wouldn't know what death was-"

I cut him off with a laugh. "Oops! Forgot you could read minds!"

Shaking my head at my stupidity, I watched as the sun came out... And the Cullens started sparkling.

I still couldn't get over the fact that these sparkly thingys called themselves vampires.

"So, Cullens," I suddenly snapped, glancing at each of them one at a time. My glance lingered on Jasper, but only for a moment, and then I brought my attention to Bella, who was hopelessly clinging to Edward, who also had a little kid clinging to her.

Oh, so this is after Breaking Dawn, eh? All the better.

"What? Breaking Dawn? What's that?" Edward suddenly said.

I rolled by eyes. "Dammit. I hate you and your mind-reading thingy. That'll be annoying when the time comes to kill you guys."

"Edwarddddddd," Bella whined, "Did she just say that she's going to kill us?"

"Yes, you pathetic Mary-Sue." I said, glaring at Bella. "I just said that I am going to kill you..."

Then, upon seeing Jacob run up to them, I add with a cackle, "And your little dog, too!"

Then I poofed back into my world, leaving the Cullens as confused as "vampires" with no personalities could get.

'~*~'

Pacing back and forth, I regarded my troops. We all had our differences, yes, but one thing was common in each member:

We hate Twilight.

And we want to kill the Cullens.

I walked up to one of my most loyal members, Cheyenne. Very trustful. Quick thinking. Random. Fun. She's a good one, she is.

"Chey, you'll be Group B Leader." I said, looking down at my checklist. "I'll be Group A Leader. You come from the right, I'll come from the left."

Continuing down the line, I went to another one of my most loyal members, Sydney. She had such a huge smile on her face, I wondered how that was even possible. "So, Syd. You'll be Group C Leader, 'kay? You'll be coming from the bottom."

As Syd nodded with super-human speed, I went over to another most loyal member, Pepper. "And Pepper, you'll be Group D Leader. You'll be coming in from the top."

I smiled, then stepped back. I had almost 100 loyal warriors who were hand-picked and trained by me to one day fight and kill the Cullens, and the entire Twilight world.

And now, finally, we were going to be able to do what we all desperately wanted to do.

"Now, here's the plan. As the Cullens are going to or coming back from a hunting trip, we surround them into one small clearing. Once we do that, Groups B and D will begin making a fire, as Group A and C will start on killing the Cullens. But of course, since I know how good you guys are at fires, you'll also be taking down the Cullens with us almost as soon as we start." With a pause, I smiled, observing my warriors as they cheered. "Whichever Group gets Edward, Bella and Renesmee," we all shuddered at the bad name, "will get cookies."

As everyone exploded into cheers, I grouped the troops into Groups, telling them which letter they were to join. I placed most of the pyros in B and D, and more of the stronger ones into A and C. I cackled as I sorted them, and no one thought of that as odd. Hey, we might be Twilight haters, and feel the need to destroy it, but we're still insane.

...At least, I'm insane. Same as Chey, Syd, and Pepper.

That's why we're the leaders.

'~*~'

The next day, as I was holding a meeting with everyone, getting them ready to hunt and kill, Chey randomly raised her hand from the front row audience.

"Chey," I sighed, "This isn't school, you don't have to raise your hand."

"Oh." she said, shrugging. "Anyway, I have an idea..."

"Go on."

"We should have code names!" she exclaimed, bounding out of her seat and starting to jump in place, clapping. "Won't that be super-duper-wicked-awesome-fun?"

"But-" I began, before Chey cut me off.

"C'mon, Tam! We need to hide our identities!!" she pleaded, eyes wide and begging.

After a few seconds I sighed, "Fine." and the room exploded into cheers.

I calmed them down, and once I did, Chey exclaimed, "My code name is SUPA CHEYENNE!!!"

"Ooh!" Syd nodded, smiled her creepy-big smile of hers, and shouted, "Mine is Eskimo!"

"Well, I'm too cool for a code name," snorted Pepper, looking away. After a few seconds of awkward silence and stares sent her way, she laughed, saying, "Just kidding! Mine'll be Teh Pwning Pepper of Pwningness!"

I sighed, and adding in, "And my code name'll be..." I thought for moment, then my eyes glowed. "Mine'll be The Amazing Me! Get it? **T**he **A**mazing **M**e! **TAM**!"

Everyone cheered, then made up code names for themselves.

I smiled wickedly, knowing that the Cullens will have no chance against us.

'~*~'

From my position in the bushes, I could see the Cullens peacefully coming into view, walking gracefully and perfectly and sparkly and totally Mary-Sue-ish / Gary-Stu-ish. I snorted, but then my gaze fell on Jasper. I was stuck looking at him for a while, but then pulled myself out of the creepy daze, shaking my head.

_Bad Tam_, I scolded myself.

I lifted up the Walkie-Talkie and spoke clearly, "SUPA CHEYENNE, do you copy? This is The Amazing Me."

"Yep, I hear ya, Ta- I mean, The Amazing Me."

I smiled. "Is the thought-protecting-barrier-thingy that can only be made in this world of no plot and no rules still up?"

"Yeppers!"

"Fabulous."

Then, I barked into the Walkie-Talkie, "Eskimo? Ya there?"

"Yes I am, The Amazing Me." she responded.

"Great! Does anyone suspect we're here?"

"Nope."

"Perfect."

Then I whispered into the Walkie-Talkie, seeing the Cullens come closer, "Teh Pwning Pepper of Pwningness? You ready?"

"Totally," was the response.

"Brilliant. SUPA CHEYENNE, Eskimo, Teh Pwning Pepper of Pwningness, time to put our plan into action."

Then, chucking the Walkie-Talkie over my shoulder, I shouted loud enough for all to hear, "ATTACK!!!"

The responding sound of almost hundred people charging at the Cullens was music to my ears.

'~*~'

Bella's POV

We were just walking back from hunting, a leisurely stroll, when I felt that something was wrong.

Because, you know, I just know things like that.

"Eddie-poo," I said, my voice soft and sweet, "I think something's wrong."

I clung to his arm, afraid of letting him go for more than a minute at a time. He responded, looking around, "It's unusually quiet..."

My darling Renesmee - who has a wonderful, beautiful name that was just made for her - came up beside me and whispered, "Parental figure, something is wrong, is it not?"

Jacob, suddenly appearing beside my daughter, picked her up and hugged her saying, "Nothing's wrong, Nessie. It's all oka-"

And then a insane scream of "ATTACK" came from the bushes, followed by many other shouts and screams.

"Shit." I heard one of the other Cullens say, right before we were attacked.

'~*~'

Back to my POV!

As Chey's and Pepper's Groups made the fire, Syd's and my Groups were surrounding the Cullens.

"We meet again." I cackled, walking up to the Cullens.

"You!" Renesmee squealed, trying to hide herself in Jacob's arms.

"Yes me, you Demon Child who shouldn't be alive!" then I paused, and looked at Edward, saying, "Seriously. I don't get how she's alive. I mean, you're dead. How can you possibly-"

"Ahem." Syd said, glaring at me.

I giggled nervously, reminding myself why I was here in the first place. "Right. Nevermind. As I was saying, however, we meet again, Cullens!"

Then I gave an insane laugh, 'cause that's what you do in these situations.

"So, Cullens," I began, "I am here because we," I looked around at my hundred or so warriors, "Are going to kill you."

"What?" Emmett said, and I finally realized that yes, in fact, there were all of the Cullens here, not just Bella, Edward, and Demon Child Renesmee.

"Yes, Emmett, you heard right." Syd butted in, smiling. "We're going to kill you."

Then we both broke out into insane laughter.

"Alright, troops!" I said as Chey's and Pepper's Groups joined us, "Kill them all, but leave the Jasper fellow for me."

I got an odd look from this, but of course, after a moment of staring, they bursted into action, rawring and growling and aiming for the Cullens.

I burst into uncontrollable laughter, pouncing at Edward and pushing him back, then sitting down on his chest, still laughing. I leaned down to his face, and breathed, "Bye-bye, Eddie-kins."

Then I took out my Super Awesome Vampire Killing Knife, and stabbed Edward. No matter what type of vampire you are, one swift stab to the head with this, and you're dead, baby.

Everyone cheered as I killed him, expect for the Cullen's, of course. Then I chucked Edward into the fire using my newly-found super strength.

The first Cullen, the worst of them all, was dead.

My troops and I were destroying Twilight bit by bit, and it felt good.

Very good.

'~*~'

Bella's POV

I watched as the crazy leader girl leaped at my beautiful Edward.

I cried in terror as she stabbed him.

My want to go to my Edward was huge, but I just couldn't move. I looked back at the girl that held me. She had a crazy smile upon her face - but then again, who didn't have a crazy smile on their face in this group?

Watching as the leader girl tossed my Edward into the fire, I let a tear fall. I know vampires can't cry, but hey, I'm Bella, and I'm special, even though I'll try to convince you that I'm not.

I was sobbing now, missing my dear Eddie-poo already. Renesmee was terrified, now in the arms of another crazy-smile girl, who's smile seemed to be almost splitting her face in half.

They cheered, and the crazy leader girl laughed in victory.

"You sick monster!" I yelled, my anger taking control of me.

"You bitch of a Mary-Sue!" the leader girl shouted back. She shocked me into silence, and that's when it clicked in my head how seriously messed up these kids were.

Or, maybe, we were the messed up ones...

Nahh!

But I was completely powerless as the girl holding me took out a knife that looked like the one the leader girl had, and I could only continue to cry with my vampire-tears as I realized what was going to happen.

'~*~'

Tam's POV Again! ;D

I smiled in victory as Cheyenne, who was holding Bella, took out her own Super Awesome Vampire Killing Knife and stabbed Bella in the head. We all cheered again, and Chey tossed Bella into the fire.

Looking over at Sydney now, I saw that she was holding the Demon Child Renesmee, and my smile became huge. I nodded, and she took out her own knife. For this, though, we all felt a bit bad. Sure, she's a Cullen, and a Demon Child, but she's a _child_. We aren't completely heartless.

...Maybe. But we still had a moment of silence.

Then we cheered like crazy as Syd stabbed the Demon Child Renesmee and gently tossed her into the fire. We all gave another cheer, then went on to finish the rest of the Cullens.

"I have Jacob!" Pepper said, looking over at me. "Do we burn him, as well?"

I sighed, and nodded. "We burned the Demon Child, might as well burn the Doggy."

Pepper sighed, nodded, then took out her own knife, and stabbed & tossed Jacob.

I looked at the remaining Cullens.

Carlisle. Esme. Rosalie. Emmett. Alice. Jasper.

Jasper...

I sighed, shaking my head. I have to be strong for my troops.

"Syd, you get Rosalie." I decided, and one of my troops wrestled Rose over to Syd. Syd already had suffered through killing the Demon Child Resnesmee, I might as well give her someone easy to kill now. We all cheered as Syd stabbed Rosalie the pure bitch then chucked her into the fire.

"Pepper, go for Esme." Might as well weed out the girls now. Pepper nodded, and as she got handed Esme, she went through the routine, and we all cheered. The spirit of the hunt was really picking up now.

"Chey, you get Alice." Chey nodded happily, and as Alice died, the explosion of cheers were amazing now.

For Carlisle and Emmett we let some newbies kill them, some pyro kid named Travis and a shy girl named Amanda who was surprisingly vicious.

Then came Jasper.

They automatically handed him to me, as those were my wishes.

As I looked up to his face, which looked emotionless, I didn't try and hide my emotions. I knew he could sense them.

He looked a bit shocked at me revealing how I had always liked him best, and how I thought he was cute and how I didn't really want him to die. But I wasn't sure if he was surprised because he didn't think a so-called "heartless" girl like me could feel actual emotions, or just because he was surprised.

So, in front of everyone, my troops, my friends, everyone, I leaned up towards Jasper and kissed him smack on the lips. It lasted only a second, but it was all I needed.

"Wha-?" he said, looking even more surprised.

Cackling, I said, "But don't think for a moment that because I like you, I'll let you live."

Then, I took out my knife and killed the last Cullen, and then tossed him into the fire.

Then, after everyone's shock of the scene they had just witnessed had disappeared, they broke out into cheers.

"Ding dong the Cullens are dead!" I heard from behind me. I looked back and saw some random midgets dancing and singing.

"Erm, Tam?" Chey asked, staring wide-eyed at them, "What do we do with the midgets?"

I shrugged. "Burn them?"

So we tossed the midgets into the fire.

'~*~'

"What now?" Pepper asked from beside me. I looked over at her, then back at the field where the Cullens had been killed. I shrugged.

"Not really sure." I answered honestly. "Maybe would could burn the rest of the Twilight world?"

"Sounds good!" said the random Travis-pyro kid, who was standing beside me randomly.

Chey nodded from the other side of Pepper. "Burn it all!"

Syd, who was right in front of me, nodded, smiling.

I smirked. "Alrighty then. Let's burn the world down, shall we?"

'~*~'

A week or so later, the troops and I watched from our spaceship as the world burned.

Well, the Twilight world.

With some well-placed bombs, and a bunch of pyros, we had literally set fire to the world. And now we watched it burn from a spaceship.

It was quite an amazing sight.

"So, now that we've burned Twilight..." Chey said, shifting back and forth, "What do we do?"

"I dunno. Go back to Earth and burn all the Twilight books, movies, and other merchandise?"

From the other side of me, Pepper and Syd smiled evilly along with Chey and I.

We had destroyed Twilight, now we just need to burn all the evidence on Earth that it ever existed.

Pyros? Us? No way.

And as the troops slowly started poofing back to Earth, the four of us, Chey, Syd, Pepper, and I, watched the Twilight world burn until it was nothing more.

And soon, Pepper went back, then Syd, then Chey. Soon I was the only one left, looking out to the empty area where Twilight was once... Where my dear Jasper once lived.

"Good-bye, Jasper." was all I said before poofing back to Earth, hours after everyone else had gone back.

'~*~'

**A/H:** Oh goodie, it's done! ;D

Yesh, Chey, Syd and Pepper are my friends. xD Travis is some random pyro-guy that Chey wanted to be in the story, and Amanda is my middle name, so... xD

I hope you liked it, which took much planning, and was finally written out at night, where my mind wanders the most.

And no, I'm not that evil in real life...

I think. O_o


End file.
